Have you ever been told you need to be working on self-care or had the thought pop up yourself? What does it mean exactly, when someone identifies a need for self-care?
Self-care is a buzz word everyone uses to justify getting a pedicure, a massage, or taking a nap. However, practicing self-care is so much more than pampering and resting. Relaxation is an important piece of overall self-care, but if you’re feeling drained and overwhelmed, taking a bubble bath is not going to do much.
There’s a reason why we think self-care is simply about relaxing. Have you ever had someone take care of you? Has anyone ever done something for you where they truly met your needs at the time? How did it feel? Generally, we feel happy, content, calm, secure, loved, hopeful, fulfilled, and more when we receive the care we need. So it makes sense how self-care gets a rep as being synonymous with calming activity.
But self-care isn’t so simple. Giving is just as important as receiving in self-care. Have you ever had to take care of someone else? Perhaps you’re a parent, or you have had a sick partner? Maybe you cared for an elderly relative, maybe you have a pet? How relaxing is it to take care of someone? Generally, we feel much more anxious and stressed when we care for others. Although giving to others feels gratifying, that same gratification is rarely there when we give to ourselves.
In order to be practicing good self-care, you must literally take care of yourself. This involves doing the fun things and the relaxing things while also doing the boring things and the tiring things. A plan for rest is not enough if there is no plan for the work. In fact, without a plan for the work, the plan for rest can become avoidance of work (masked as self-care) and lead to more dissonance in your life.
Self-care is about creating balance in your life. But how do you create equality between work and play? Here’s how, in 3 steps:
1. Identify what’s causing you to feel imbalanced (e.g. too many things to do, no motivation, feeling on edge, little to no support, high expectations, feeling lonely, etc.).
2. Identify the specifics of what you need to increase and what you need to decrease in order to feel content (e.g. clear boundaries, support, passion, time for organization, connection, etc.).
3. Create a plan and execute it.
This 3-step process seems simple, however when you’re experiencing intense emotions of being overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious, being so self-aware is hard. At such times, working with a therapist can be beneficial to identify an effective self-care plan that involves more than a bubble bath. Additionally, if you have tried this 3-step process, and have not had the results you were hoping, then seeking support from a therapist is a good idea.
So the next time you hear someone recommend you do some self-care, remember to take the extra steps needed so you actually feel better.
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