Imagine you have somewhere to go, and to get there you must walk through a thick, wooded forest. It’s dark. You’re alone. You feel scared. And then, you’re given a choice to just go around, or not even go at all. The choice is obvious.
This is what happens with feelings. Feelings often can get so big and so intense that avoiding them or distracting from them (GOING AROUND) is easier than facing them (GOING THROUGH). Going around feels safer, easier, and is an understandable choice.
Sometimes we really do need big distractions from feelings, and avoidance can be a healthy thing in the moment. Panic attacks, trauma, and phobias are all good examples of times when distraction and avoidance can help someone calm down in the moment. In such cases, knowledge must first be acquired on how to effectively use coping skills to manage anxiety and fear.
Avoidance and distraction, however, are temporary ways of dealing with intense problems, and we have to eventually confront the intense emotions. Consistently going around leads to only temporarily feeling better and eventually results in denial. Denial comes in many maladaptive forms: addiction, false sense of pride, resentment, inauthenticity, and more.
Over time, constant use of distraction and avoidance become habit every time intense emotion pops up. Facing emotions becomes harder as time passes despite the increase in need to go through. Self-awareness decreases as anxiety worsens.
When the intense emotions re-surface unexpectedly, shame is felt for not being over something which occurred long ago. So much self-judgment takes place.
Ultimately, to feel better and move on, confrontation of difficult emotion is unavoidable. Although initially seeming easier, going around is a long process which takes you far away from knowing and understanding yourself. Instead of going around, find someone’s hand to hold, take a deep breathe, and with mind and heart wide open, walk through. You’ll make it out the other side stronger, happier, and wiser.
English