For many people, May signifies the time of year to transition completely out of those winter clothes. Bye comfy sweaters! Later, long-sleeved shirts! See ya next year gloves, hats, scarves, and winter jackets!
And, for many people, it’s not a big deal, and maybe it’s even exciting because the sunshine brings so much fun outdoor activity. Afterall, we get picnics, water sports, gardening, and natural vitamin D!
However, for many people, this seasonal wardrobe change is difficult, and may even be terrifying. If you have problems with negative body image, this time of year is hard. Not only is it time to switch to shorts, tees, tanks, and swimsuits, but everyone else is wearing shorts, tees, tanks, and swimsuits. The comparisons to other people is difficult.
If you know someone who is suffering from negative body image, here’s 4 ways you can help support them throughout the summer so they might be able to better enjoy the weather with you:
1. Stop talking about your diet.
Someone experiencing negative body image is likely to feel pressure to diet as a strategy to feel better about themselves. This negatively impacts someone else who feels crummy about their body, who then also thinks the answer is dieting. Suddenly, everyone is dieting and feeling bad about their bodies, and they are all constantly, maybe even obsessively, talking about their diets. If you feel the need to diet, don’t involve someone with negative body image. They cannot be your support. Your diet talk is doing emotional and mental damage to them.
2. Do some pool/swimpark/beach-safety-planning.
Someone with negative body image does not feel comfortable in a swimsuit, but they will often still try. Make sure there’s activities to help them distract from feeling anxious about how they look, but also make sure there are opportunities for them to take a break from the crowd. Maybe even plan to take a break where they can emotionally check-in with you at some point, or several points throughout the day.
3. Don’t pressure them to eat something that is challenging for them.
If someone is really having difficulty eating ice cream, barbecue delights, fried fair foods, and other summer goodies, don’t pressure them to eat it. There’s a big difference between support and pressure. You can support them by encouraging them to try foods you know they like, and let them know you will be there for them if there is any emotional fallout. In contrast, you are pressuring someone when you let your personal emotions be known, whether it’s intentional or not. For example, maybe you get irritated or angry when they don’t want to eat something, or opposite, maybe you feel sad or disappointed when they don’t try to eat something. As a result of your emotion, they eat something, and then can’t stop feeling awful afterwards. You must be able to manage your emotion in such a scenario to be able to be supportive.
4. Know that compliments about their body are not helpful.
Our natural propensity when people put themselves down is to say “no, that’s not true”. However, if someone is struggling with negative body image, telling them they are wrong, or that they look great, etc. does not help because they don’t believe you. They think you are just being nice. They also then become very anxious about compliments because getting them means people are paying attention, while not getting them means they must look awful. It’s a lose-lose battle.
So what do you say when someone with negative body image problems makes self-deprecating remarks about their body? Put it back on them with a calm, “how is that statement helpful?”, or maybe a compassionate “do you want to tell me more about why you’re feeling so bad?”, or, if they have been working on improving their body image in counseling, you can ask them, “how can you challenge that thought?”
Negative body image is a huge sickness impacting our society. Counseling by someone who specializes in such issues is highly recommended when someone’s work, personal life, family, and/or relationships is being impacted by negative body image. If you’re interested in counseling groups, workshops, and other services to help with issues of negative body image, I’ve got’em. Sign up for my newsletter to stay updated about what’s being offered next.
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