Thanksgiving is quickly approaching, and although this can be exciting for some, for those with an eating disorder, this can be one the hardest days of the years. If someone in your life is struggling with disordered eating, whether they have been diagnosed or not, here are a few tips to help them.
1. Don’t pressure them to partake in overeating.
Thanksgiving is a time where overeating becomes socially acceptable. And it can be fun, but not for someone who has an eating disorder. It is acceptable for your loved one to participate, but only if they have made a choice to do so. When you put pressure on your loved one to participate in this tradition there can be consequences for them that you might never know. Often, overeating creates so much guilt for someone with an eating disorder, they have difficulty resisting behaviors (e.g. fasting, compensatory exercise, purging, and more) which can be detrimental to their overall health.
2.Don’t make comments on their food.
Of course you want your loved one to eat enough, and you may feel the urge to say “that’s all your eating?!?”, but calling them out in front of everyone will not feel supportive to them. In fact, saying anything about what they are or are not eating only adds to their anxiety. If you have concerns, talk with them privately at another time.
3.Check in with them the day before and make a plan.
Let your loved one know you are available for support and check in with them to see how they are feeling prior to the big day. Really listen to their fears and ask if there is anything they might need from you to make the day go by more smoothly. If they fear they will not eat enough, you can offer to make a plate for them. If they fear what will happen if they enjoy dessert, offer to eat with them and be with them afterwards to distract them from their anxiety.
4.Refrain from making comments about your own body.
So many people feel a need to body shame themselves and/or others on Thanksgiving. These judgments, even if not targeted at your loved one, can have a negative impact on your loved one. Negative body comments re-enforce ideas that body shape is important to you. A mixed message is sent when you tell your loved one not to worry about their body size/shape when you make negative comments about your own body.
5.Food is just food, so don’t label foods as good or bad.
When we put morality on food by placing them in a dichotomy of good and bad, we create guilt and shame anytime we consume a “bad” food. Enjoy your food without labeling it. All food provides sustenance, and when you don’t judge your own food choices as being good and bad, you are showing your loved one you don’t judge their food choices either. This is supportive because it allows for them to try whatever Thanksgiving delights are available.
Understanding eating disorders can be very difficult, even for a person who has an eating disorder. As a support person, talking with others who are also supporting a loved one can be a great way to ease some of your worry. Join the monthly Eating Disorder Group for Support Systems to continue learning and connect with others!
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