Do you try to get your teen to open up, and they insist that everything is “fine”?
Do you get a sense there’s something wrong, but your teen is doing okay (or doing great) academically, so you’re not sure if you really need to worry?
Or maybe your teen has opened up, and you know they are overwhelmed and stressed, but you’re not sure why or how to help?
Anxiety may be the culprit.
Anxiety is a common difficulty teens are facing today in school, however, they don’t always know they are experiencing anxiety. Those who do know they are experiencing anxiety often feel shame and won’t open up and admit how they feel. And some teens know they are experiencing anxiety, are even open about it, but they don’t know how to manage it alone.
As a parent, understanding how to best help can be confusing: “Is this the kind of anxiety which is good for my child to resolve independently? Will this help them in their mental and emotional development into adulthood? Do they need to face this stress head on in order to help them become a contributing member to society?
There is no simple answer. Anxiety presents itself in many different ways, both in how it looks and in its intensity.
Here are a few ways anxiety might look in school and academic settings.
1.Low Academic Performance
There are lots of different reasons why students may not do well academically. When anxiety is the reason though, it’s because the student is having difficulty focusing. They worry so much they miss parts of lectures, instructions on how to do things, or just don’t have the ability to hold their focus on something long enough to complete schoolwork.
Additionally, someone with anxiety may feel too nervous of being judged to raise their hand and ask questions during a class, to ask a peer for help, or to approach a teacher about not understanding. The further someone with anxiety gets behind, the harder it becomes for the student to catch-up. This results in missing assignments, poor testing, and low grades.
2. Spending Hours of Time on Homework
Spending hours of time studying and completing schoolwork is very common for teens today, especially teens who have an identity of performing well academically. Although some teens have learned how to balance academic, social, family, and enrichment activities, there are also many who push themselves too hard.
Perfectionists and high-achievers can feel such strong academic pressure they experience panic attacks. They fear what will happen to their future if they fail to keep their GPA at a 4.0. Their identity is wrapped in getting the right grades, so they can attend the right college, and get the right job. Their biggest fear is to make a mistake knowing that one little error could impact their trajectory towards a safe future.
3. Missing School or Classes Often
Although sometimes kids miss classes and school because they hate school, a student with anxiety is likely to miss lots of school due to illness.
People who suffer from anxiety tend to have lots of stomach issues, headaches or migraines, and general body aches. When a teen is experiencing physical symptoms as a result of anxiety, they may often be late for school or classes, leave school early, or they will feel too ill to go at all. The combination of both the emotional turmoil and physical pain result in a student who is isolated from peers, feels exhausted, and has little hope.
4. Being Alone
Parents don’t always know their child is alone at school. However, if you’re student does not appear to get involved in any type of school activities, doesn’t ask to have friends over, does not ask to go to friends’ homes, and does not go out with friends, they may be spending quite a bit of time alone.
Sometimes being alone is a conscious choice. When people experience depression, they will often isolate. However, anxiety rarely causes a student to choose isolation. Instead, they fear being judged, teased, disliked, bullied, or picked on so much, that they do not try to interact with their peers.
A student who is alone might suffer from social anxiety, or they may have a group of friends where they became an outsider in the friend group, and they no longer fit in. Either way, this kind of anxiety creates loneliness.
5. Secrecy
Parents who try to get an understanding of what’s going on with their child, but are pushed away, might have a teen who is experiencing high anxiety. When a parent shows concern about school, the teen might respond with a “it’s fine”, or a “don’t worry about it”, and maybe even, “I’ve got it under control”.
The anxious teen may be alleviating issues of anxiety through control, and academics is one place they may feel like they can have that without any parent involvement. For high-achievers, this kind of secrecy proves to them they can take care of themselves and don’t need their parents.
Secrecy caused by anxiety can also occur with a student who isn’t doing well academically. They might be feeling overwhelmed, but they are too afraid of the consequences which will occur if someone finds out how poorly they are actually doing.
They may be afraid of the consequences from their parents. “My parents are going to kill me!” They might be afraid of what people will think of them if they find out. “Everyone is going to see how stupid I am.” Or, they might be afraid of facing the academic consequences. “I’m going to fail this class, and then I’ll never go to college, and my life is going to be ruined!”
Although it makes the most logical sense to face the fear because the consequences are inevitable, and that they will just worsen with time, these students are too overwhelmed with anxiety to be able to make change on their own.
If you’re child is struggling with anxiety, and you are unsure how to best support them, there are many great options. Individual counseling for your teen (and even for yourself in some cases) can help. Group counseling can also be helpful to help them gain skills and get peer support to see they are not alone. Family counseling might also be helpful if the anxiety appears to disrupt family livelihood.
If your teen would benefit from group counseling, make sure to check out my groups page to see what I’m offering next.
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