How to find the Right Counselor

Although most therapists will agree that finding the right counselor for any individual is important in helping someone, the act of figuring out which counselor is “right” can be confusing and challenging. How do you know if someone is the “right” fit? What questions do you ask? What does it feel like to be with someone who is the “wrong” fit? How long do you give the process a chance before you know it’s time to find a new therapist? Here are steps to finding a therapist, with questions to ask yourself in figuring out who may be a good fit.

1. Identify the problem for why you are seeking counseling. Maybe you have multiple issues for why you are considering counseling. Narrow down the issues to 1-3 problems on which you want to focus in counseling. Some examples could be anxiety, marital issues, loss of a loved one, problems in career, feeling hopeless and down, trauma, substance use, cultural changes, self-esteem, etc.
2. Search for providers who specialize in the areas in which you are seeking support. Although most therapists will have the general education and expertise to help you with any problem you are experiencing, you will benefit most from finding someone who specializes in the area(s) which you are seeking help. A therapist who states they specialize in a specific area will have the experience, the passion, and the understanding in how to help you with your problems in addition to the technical knowledge and expertise all therapists generally possess.
3. Once you have developed a list of possible candidates, you will then want to think about your personal preferences. Perhaps you’ve done counseling before. What was it about counseling that was helpful? Perhaps you had a strong sense of emotional safety. Maybe you were given book recommendations which were helpful and discussed in your sessions. Possibly, you had a counselor who challenged you and kept you accountable. Even if you have never done counseling, you may still have preferences. Perhaps you feel most comfortable with a therapist of a certain generation. Maybe you like to express yourself creatively. Possibly, you prefer talking to a certain gender. Think about how you learn, and identify preferences you may have.
4. In contrast to identifying your preferences, challenge yourself to identify your needs. For example, in the past, you may have preferred having a therapist who was a personal cheerleader, but what you need now is someone who will challenge you. Maybe you have a preference for talking with females because you have unresolved issues with a male figure in your life so that you would benefit from building a therapeutic relationship with a male. Possibly you feel most comfortable with a therapist who is similar to you but need a therapist who is different to give you a fresh perspective.  Often, the benefits of therapy can come to a halt because we believe that what we prefer is synonymous with what we need. Try to strike a balance between your preferences and needs.
5. Select a therapist who seems to fit that balance of your preferences and needs. You may need to ask your candidates specific questions if you have a very clear idea of what you want. Or, you may feel like you have the information you need to make a decision based on therapist referrals  from trusted sources (e.g. family, friends, physician, etc.). You may also feel like you have sufficient information from viewing a therapist’s website.
6. Your first session often will give you little information as to whether or not someone is a good fit for you. Initially, a therapist is gaining a plethora of background information by asking you questions during your first session. Unless you feel clearly unsafe, creeped out, or offended, allow yourself at least two more sessions before trying to assess if the therapist is a good or bad fit for you. Here are questions you will want to ask yourself in assessing a good fit:
   1. Do I feel emotionally safe in sessions?
   2. Does my therapist understand my goals?
   3. Can my therapist explain to me how we are working towards my goals?
   4. Am I making progress towards my goals?
   5. Has my self-awareness increased?
   6. Has my motivation increased (or stayed high)?
   7. Do I feel any better after sessions?

If you cannot answer “yes” to a majority of these questions (that’s at least 4), you may need to begin to look for a therapist who is a better fit. However, you should talk with your therapist about the areas in which you answered “no”. Because every situation is unique in how often counseling sessions occur, in the intensity of current stressors in life, and the amount of support from others (family, friends, medical professionals, etc.), there is no way to determine exactly how much time is required to begin to feel like progress has occurred. You will need to voice concerns about lack of progress to your therapist. Your therapist will want to work with you to change your “no” answers to “yes”, and if they do not feel like they have the ability to do so, they will likely refer you to someone else who may fit your needs better.

Ultimately, there is no “right” nor “wrong” therapist for any individual, couple, or family. Instead, there is a continuum of how helpful a therapist may be  given your specific life circumstances, at a specific time. Someone who may be a poor fit for you now may be a great fit for you later and vice versa. In most cases, engaging in counseling with a therapist who isn’t a great fit is not going to do you harm, as you will still likely benefit to some degree. However, you do not want to feel stagnant, and you want to feel reasonable progress is being accomplished. Trust yourself to make the choice to move on in hopes for a better fit, but be brave enough to discuss this decision with your therapist.